it can't fail!

okay, so i have had a brilliant idea and i am basically on the brink of becoming a millionaire.

here's where it came from...
shannon and i went out to dinner at a mexican place we used to eat at all the time but then stopped going to. immediately upon finishing the meal, it became clear why we never eat there anymore...it makes shannon ill.

oops.

so i thought, 'sometimes you eat something and wish you hadn't a kinda want to take it back...'
and VOILA!

you guys....vomitoriums!

wait for it.

yeah! I KNOW!

so, here's my thinking, just spit-balling...

ladies are out for a bachelorette party.
they want to eat a giant steak dinner, with baked potatoes and bread and rolls and everything. YUM!
but they also want to go out dancing afterwards and no have to deal with post-meal sluggishness or bloated food bellies.
so, they come to my upchuckery!
they rent a group room.
they check in and trade their clothes for some robes and slippers. (no terry cloth. getting vomit out of terry cloth is a nightmare. i think.)
they waddle into a large tiled room, with showers and stalls and troughs and sinks.
they do their business.
they shower, if they feel so inclined.
they leave the room and head into the powder room, where complimentary water (cucumber, lemon, fruit, bubbly, flat, cold, warm...so many types!) is available. also saltines.
there are sinks where they can use toothbrushes (which we sell, and which come with free toothpaste and mouthwash!), wash their faces, reapply make-up, use some perfume from the perfume bar, and get ready to go out again.
maybe they want to lay down a solid layer in their tummies so they can drink a bunch!
we have a cafe that serves tummy friendly foods!
chamomile tea, papaya enzymes, chicken soup, grilled cheese, salads with mild dressings, ginger ale...
so they eat some, get gussied up and head back out, skinny and smelling better, but having enjoyed a lovely dinner!!
IT CAN'T FAIL!

so, that's one market.
maybe we have a ladies' night package.

obviously the bulimic are an option, but we can't count on them. they're not going to be our bread and butter. (get it?)

another market is drunk people.

either they want to keep drinking, or they're too drunk and want to start sobering up somewhere that isn't a bar bathroom. either way, we're there for them.

we'll have private rooms (NO SEX!!), semi-private rooms, and public rooms.
you check your clothes at the door, and they're returned to you, smelling better.
maybe we have sober up specials, where you can rent some of those capsule sleeping pods that they have in japan for a couple of hours to help sleep it off, and then we'll throw in a free breathalyzer before you leave. overnight parking, for a fee. free shuttle with certain packages? (just riffing.)

obviously we'll open our first branch in las vegas, because where else will there be so many stupid people doing stupid things they wish they could take back, right? from there, we'll see. i'm thinking...the marina? hollywood?

my only problem...a name.

ideas? the upchuckery isn't going to sell itself. we need something less barfy.

when shit goes down, pt. 1

this whole swine flu thing has been making me think a lot about 'when shit goes down.'

i'll define 'when shit goes down' as any scenario where society as we know it is basically leveled, and the normal order breaks down. nuclear attack, flu pandemic, natural catastrophe, etc. all count as 'when shit goes down' scenarios. i spend a lot of my idle time pondering what i would do, where i would go, who i would want with me, and so on.

there are tons of movies and books and video games about stuff like this, so getting an idea of what to expect totally isn't hard. (my favorite is 'the stand' by stephen king, but it's a fantastic genre all around.)

okay, when shit goes down, obviously we'll need the right supplies to prepare us for a post-apocalyptic world. choosing the right supplies depends a bit on what specific kind of apocalypse occurs, but generally, i think we can make some choices.

let's assume that staying put is a BAD idea. either because of infection (zombie, superflu) or radiation or just people going crazy from the shock of the apocalypse, being in a highly populated area will be more dangerous. more chances for crazy people to try to kill you for the stuff you have. more competition for scarce resources. so, let's assume you're Getting Away.

how do you get away?

some choices, with my pros and cons (we're going to say these are all stock and haven't been souped up into the mad max armored beasts they'll eventually become. we're not there yet.) :

a) atv
pros: much less gas than a car; good for going off road, but would be okay on a road; more easily maneuverable in tight spaces than a car; faster than a bike or people on foot; i'm not certain but i assume the engine is relatively simple; probably strong enough to pull a little trailer attached to the back, for gear; could potentially hold 2?.

cons: still needs gas, which will become more and more of a problem as time goes on; heavy enough to be a problem if it tips or gets bogged down or trapped somewhere - not light enough for me to unwedge myself; probably not faster than a car with a super-big engine; kids are constantly flipping them and getting killed so apparently that sort of thing is easy to do; might not be easy to modify for towing or better storage; not weatherproof; can't serve as shelter in a pinch; not terribly easy to replace, should you need to; really loud; can't hold more than 2, and 2 might not be very comfortable or realistic for longer trips.

b) motorcycle (would be best if it's okay for both streets and off-road)
pros: really good on gas; good for both roads and going over hills through fields and stuff; perfect for zipping through road blocks from abandoned cars; easy-ish to hide in bushes or something while you sleep; fast; fairly common, so easy to replace parts or the whole bike; lighter than an atv, in case of bogging down or tip overs; could carry two.

cons: again, still relies some on gas; probably still too heavy for me to EASILY lift or right or push by myself; dangerous - super easy to kill yourself on it; have to sacrifice cargo capacity for speed and maneuverability - the best we can do is a backpack and some saddle bags, which still adds weight and girth; not weatherproof at all, and very dangerous in the rain; can't serve as shelter; super loud; needs safety gear in order to be really safe, which will cut down on visibility and reaction time and add bulk; again, no good for transporting more than 2 people

c) 4wd van/truck w/shell (this includes monster trucks and hummers)
pros: huge, so it'd be harder for attackers to get at you; can hold tons of stuff and/or people; can be shelter AND transportation; weatherproof; can go off road; stll, fairly simple engines so minor repairs will be easy and scavenging for parts will be easy enough; would be strong enough to help bogged cars and trucks in your group if they got stuck; good for a family or people traveling with little ones who need full-time protection;

cons: HUGE, so you're basically married to it; useless in the city, because the major arteries in and out will be completely blocked, especially to something as big as that; will use an tons of gas; really tough to camouflage; unless it's bulletproof (which it won't be, realistically) it won't be any more safe from attack than something without walls and might even lull you into a false sense of security; still loud; more people = heavier = moves slower

e) regular bike (mountain bike definitely)
pros: really light; very maneuverable; fewer moving parts = easy to fix; easy to replace; could be outfitted with light saddle bags; great for on and off road; faster than people on foot; really easy to hide; no gas; quiet; could have a kid's seat attached to it if need be; no special protective clothing required; less threatening than most vehicles.

cons: relies on a certain level of physical fitness - if you're out of shape, or injured, you're in trouble; absolutely no protection of any kind; not fast enough to get away from anything with a motor so you'd have to rely on maneuverability; can't carry much gear, and certainly not enough to have a stockpile; not weatherproof; riding bikes will make you really tired and hungry and thirst - food is heavy, can be hard to find and often takes time to prepare, water is really heavy and could be hard to find; obvs carrying ability is limited to small kids;

g) on foot
pros: way easier to hide; can easily get through areas that no vehicle could make it through; nothing external needed aside from some really solid walking shoes; easy to find shelter anywhere (under a car, in a bush, up a tree); non-threatening (could be helpful if you meet skittish survivors)

cons: walking will require a lot of energy, which will require a lot of food, which can be hard to find, time consuming to prepare and heavy to carry; all gear, food, clothing, weapons, etc. must be carried on your body, slowing you down and possibly counteracting the benefits of maneuverability; slow as fuck, too much so to make it through wintry conditions safely, perhaps;

given my goals (speed, ease of fueling, ease of repair, maneuverability) i think i'd go for the street-safe dirt bike.

what about you? what would you choose? any vehicles i haven't thought of?

next note, i'll be pondering weapons.

oh, kira.

i know it's stupid and really lame and i've tried to deny it, but i have a huge crush on zac efron.



"hey! how's it going? i'm really cute!"

there.

i've said it.

i have had a tab open for this website for a week and a half and can't bring myself to get rid of it. i just keep going back to the picture and sighing.

(even just now, i was going to use that tab to google more pictures of him and i couldn't bring myself to leave that page! it's sick. he's basically a child.)

some things that are neat/funny!

hey, guys!

i know, it's been a while.

here are some things that have happened on the internet and in the world since we last talked...

<3 quite a few people whose opinions i trust have said that this pbs special about the depression II: full throttle is very informative and really good. i haven't gotten around to watching it, but i am happy to share it with you, in case you have a free moment while shooting about the interwebs.

<3 this is the ultimate primer for internet trend knowledgability. these are all the internet trends that have been big, in no particular order, in one place, so you can catch up a bit.

<3 is this delicious or disgusting? BOTH!

<3 some evil geniuses created a 'silence of the lambs' musical. here are the songs. here is the youtube video of the obvious classic "put the fucking lotion in the basket." obviously not for those who are easily offended and probably not funny to people who don't know the movie.

extreme sheepherding!!


<3 this photographer shoots things with a gun and takes photos of it. weird and neat.

<3 me and some friends are going "no 'poo." it basically means we're not using store bought shampoo or conditioner. there are many benefits to it, all of which are outlined AT LENGTH in other website, if you're interested. here are some sites i've liked so far:
http://www.naturemoms.com/no-shampoo-alternative.html
http://babyslime.livejournal.com/174054.html
http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Go-No-Poo/
let me know if you're gonna try it out! we can email about it!

what have you been up to?

shopping trip.

for those of you who don't care at all about clothing, you can skip this blog entry because it's all pictures and stuff about clothes. check back later!

for those of you who like clothes - hi!

i have been really impressed with the discount clothing sources in the world lately. i'd like to say it's because of the economy, but it's not, though this is a well-timed observation on my part. payless shoes, off saks (the saks fifth avenue outlet), target, old navy (though that's not exactly discount, it's the cheapest of the old navy/gap/banana republic family... all these places have had some really, really good stuff lately, for totally great prices.

i went to target for a gold digital watch yesterday (sure, why not?) and then filled a cart with some amazing finds, all for target-cheap prices. then i felt guilty for shopping more because i have been on two big off saks sprees in the last couple weeks and i feel like a loser, so i abandoned all my finds, but i took pictures that i wanted to share with you.

okay, we'll start with some housewares.

this bedding set has the ikat print that all the fashion and decorating magazines have been really excited about this last year. the lamp below has a great shape, it's a nice size, and i like the kinda flashy body (silver metal with clear glass over it or something) with the staid navy shade. i am pondering this for my new bedside lamp.

i'm a sucker for green glass, though these are the kind of vase that i always have a hard time using, since i seldom have only a few of a certain kind of flower, like...three tulips. but these together on a coffee table would be very west elm.

this vase is kick-ass. obviously my iphone photography doesn't fully convey what it looks like, but let me describe it. it's a rectangle vase, big enough for a dozen and a half roses probably, and it's got the shape of a curvy vase printed on it. brilliant. i have a crush on this, even though i absolutely do not need any more vases at all.


SHOES!
the shoes right now at target are solid. i could have seriously bought an entire new shoe wardrobe yesterday, i think.

cute shoes. they came in a bubblegum pink, too. sort of 60s flight attendant barbie shoes.


i would not wear these shoes personally. they're not my style and the older i get, the less reasons i can come up with to wear heels of any kind, much less vaguely avant-garde future shoes, but these are really, really "editorial" as the fashion world might say. with the crazy shaped heel and the wide strap across the foot, they're like something an olsen twin would wear, with slouchy menswear pants that are pegged and cuffed. can't you see it?


these are total urban outfitters shoes. i think that designers from the urban family might have jumped ship and taken over at the target brands (mossimo, exhiliration) because it's kinda uncanny. these are really cute fake huaraches, but they're made of plastic tubing and were flat as pancakes. they'd be misery during the summer. imagine your sweaty feet slipping around in those unforgiving little cutie pies. but seriously, they're cute as hell. these ones are fruit striped, but they come in brown and black and white, i think.


also, totally olsen twin shoes. shoes for women who are mean to others and their own feet. sexy. ouchie.


it is such a sign of the times that these are some of the shoes i seriously considered, when compared to the really cute heels i've shown you. these have a sensible heel, a soft, kinda molded faux suede footbed and leather straps that don't pinch. i'm old now, and i am concerned about having comfortable feet. or maybe i am too smart now, and too married, to feel that having sexy feet for a night is worth the days and possibly years of misery those sexy feet will buy me.


cute. you can't see it in this picture (though i am clearly a professional fashion photographer) that the bows are sewn above a little round gathered hole, and the toe scoops down to show some toe cleavage. not totally comfortable but maybe worth it.


this reminds me of a jacket i saw in a few fashion spreads. it was from vera wang's line at kohl's, which is also pretty solid. a little bit old for me, but some stand out pieces, and the fashion magazines really like it, too. this jacket is what i think of as a wasted layer. i'll digress...

before i learned how to drive, i walked everywhere. i can't even guess how far i walked on average every day, but it was freaking far. because i didn't have a car to stash stuff in, when i left the house in the morning, that was all i had to work with for the day when it came to layering for warmth or coolness. i started this habit of wearing a tank top under everything, every single day, in case it was warmer than i'd expected and i got too hot. one too many days smothering in too many layers, i guess. likewise, it was dangerous to wear any single layer that was TOO warm, because if it warmed up, i'd be stuck carrying it all day. (i carried this huge messenger bag sometimes, that could have easily carried a toddler, and it was mostly full of clothes. i like to be prepared.)

anyway, i discovered after a certain point, that certain types of layers were wasted. they were useless. perfect example: a jean jacket. not warm enough to keep you warm. if it's so warm that a jean jacket will keep you warm, there is probably a lighter, less stiff layer you could use instead. also, in order for it to look cute, it needs to be tight, but then it's too tight to wear layers underneath.
USELESS. GET RID OF IT.

this jacket is another one. besides being a shape and length that is hard to work out, it's also got 3/4 sleeves, which are really only appropriate for certain weather. it won't provide warmth or coverage from any type of weather, really. cold? whoops, it's got short sleeves. hot? it's material is weird stiff nylon. a waste.

but cute. i am imagining a spread in lucky magazine with this, a turtleneck sweater, a chunky necklace, a pencil skirt, and shoes like those avant garde ones from earlier.


urban outfitters bite again. hard to see the shape, but it's not ugly. i'd buy this blouse. plus, i'm a sucker for charcoal grey.


this looks like crap, but it's a lovely blush colored faux satin. the cut isn't my favorite and the ruffle itself is silly, but it's a very daring design, and i'm impressed at target for trying it out.


more urban biting. i think it could look very lovely on, though it looks a bit 'golden girls' in this pictures. quick, blanche needs a new dress for her date with the retired dentist she just met!


accessories.

this is a nice sized tote. it's got that convertible strap thingie that everyone is doing now, where it can be turned into a messenger bag, or be carried with this two shorter handles. it comes in charcoal grey, too.


ugh, i wish this picture had come out. these look like some vintage glasses that would be at an american apparel.


cute.


both these pairs are urban outfitters-style. they're cute. but really cheaply made. course, so is urban's jewelry.



i took quite a few more pictures, and there were TONS more cute things there, but some of the pictures didn't turn out great. i always forget that i need to hold my iphone for a second after i hear the little camera noise, because it hasn't taken the picture yet. they always come out blurred.

rough weekend for dogs.

* propane explosion kills a bunch of dogs, including martha stewart's new chow puppy.

* another dog wishes he had been included.

i know that by focusing negative energy at paris hilton, i am only making the problem worse. the best way to get rid of someone who is annoying is to ignore them, and they usually give up and go away. i also know that she is a person (well, allegedly) who deserves compassion and (probably) has feelings.

but i have to tell you, there is only one place for that girl in compassionate fascism, and that is wiping the brows of lepers or something, because that dummy needs to get a useful job fast. no free lunches in compassionate fascism, everyone can do something to help out. and, sorry, paris, but i can't think of a single thing you've ever done that has been helpful.

turn an entire generation of girls into giggling wanna-be whores? check.
fuel a huge demand for tiny dogs acquired from pet shops, which just encourages puppy mills, and also promote the idea that animals are basically consumer goods? check-a-rooni!
be a sad attention-starved energy vacuum who shows us the face of our future if we don't turn this ship around NOW? done.
almost single-handedly start the bizarre and pathetic trend of "accidentally" flashing your lady parts as a way to get attention? gross, done.

seriously, she's the grossest.

aren't we done with her yet, world?

selling out.

so, i got this email this week:

Kira,

We want to know if you'll partner with us to accept advertising on your blog COMPASSIONATE FASCISM? We have received 7 page views this week for your blog COMPASSIONATE FASCISM, and our BlogAd total for Petaluma, California area blogs is 242 this week.

Our website, www.wikimetro.org, is the largest online BlogAd marketplace with more than 50,000 blogs in more than 2,300 US cities and towns. Ads on blogs that partner with wikimetro have replaced newspapers to become the best choice for advertising by local businesses, and many bloggers listed on wikimetro now make their full income by writing blogs that carry ads for local businesses.

Please consider partnering with us--blogging is fun and are replacing newspapers for advertising. If you want to talk by phone, we are here 24/7, just follow this link to your blog on our site

http://list.wikimetro.org/market/info.aspx?blog=12326

When you open this link, click "Is this your blog?" then sign in (or register) and set the price that you will accept for an ad on your blog, and also tell us how to pay you.

it took me a while to understand what they wanted from me.
something about ads on my blog?
so i was thinking, like, along the borders or something?

then, after reading the FAQs, i found out i am supposed to WRITE the ad, into my blog, i think.

which is so weird.

i have mixed feelings about it.

it seems hard to imagine that i am going to make money on this deal, given that my readership is not big. and if people were making money doing this, it seems like they'd be talking about it a bunch. but i've never really heard anything about this. then again, what if it's easy and i *can* make money?

HOW MUCH IS MY ARTISTIC INTEGRITY WORTH?!

i know, i know. what artistic integrity?

i could write an ad for something, i think.

but do i need to make it seem like i am plugging a product? can i make it clear that it's an ad and i am being paid for it? for example:

wow, the people at 'the best little hairhouse in petaluma' are the nicest, funnest people and i think the service they're offering is probably awesome. i think, if you have a chance, you should go there, in person, and see what they're all about! or, if you can't afford to load the entire family up and head over there, absolutely check out their website and buy some things from them, because DUH. they're OBVIOUSLY wonderful.

was that painful for you? it was mildly painful for me, but not terrifically.

i just don't know.

no one ever comments on my blog posts, but if anyone has any thoughts to share about this issue, i'd appreciate it.

i'm so behind!

i have my google reader set up with a jillion RSS feeds.

(i have no idea how to explain what these things are, so please do whatever research you need to in order to get up to speed. it's not really important. let's liken it to...having a few weeks worth of 'the new yorker' sitting around, waiting to be read. or, your tivo is full of stuff that you haven't had time to watch. the point is, there's a lot and it's hard to keep up.)

anyway, if i don't keep up on a daily basis, it's nearly impossible to ever catch up. since one of them is headlines from NPR, there are hundreds of updates right there. then add in the page six gossip stories, which are 12 a day. then i subscribed to buzzfeed, which i am realizing is a total reader-killer. anyway, i am drowning in online content. i assume this must be how "real" bloggers keep up on things, because i can't imagine where anyone would find the time to search the internet for entirely original content. even if you were getting paid for it, which most bloggers aren't you'd get totally overwhelmed, i think. it takes hours to fully explore any really good site. so, it must be RSS.

in any case, i am WAY behind. i haven't check my RSS in days and it is telling me now that i have 1000+ stories. it literally says "1000+" like past 1000 the numbers are too fatiguing for it to even contemplate.

this blog entry will be a bunch of the stuff i like, as i am powering through my RSS feeds, many of which i am just going to delete, because life is short and i have a disk of 'battlestar gallactica' to watch and i have my priorities.

also, i am too lazy and too small time to worry about correctly citing where everything is from, but if you go to the site to pursue the link, obviously you'll see the original material, so i think i'm still doing okay and not violating any kind of blogger code of ethics. (as if i cared.)

* so glad i found this, because i was wondering about some of this stuff and was afraid to ask.

* sweet baby jesus, this is so upsetting, on so many levels. which levels? 1) there is a real person who has to go through his life looking like this. 2) he's so creepy looking that people assume he can't be real. 3) he is a fucking SEX OFFENDER, which is both icky and also kinda understandable because LOOK AT HIM. who is going to have sex with him voluntarily? my parents are big believers in the idea that we choose our lives each time - choose our parents and our life situations - to help us work out whatever lessons we need to this time around. sure, why not? but WOW, he chose a tough incarnation this time around. WHOA.

* i don't know who half of these people are, but the ones i do know are funny enough to make it worthwhile. (don't bother if you're not a music snob. it's a waste of time.)

* this is a joke site that is sure to offend all my fundamentalist christian readers. (i have no fundamentalist christian readers that i am aware of.) for everyone else, it's literally hours of hilarity making fun of fundamentalist christians.

* this article about a new slow food movement in new york made me want to move to brooklyn and get all foodie. don't tell shannon, but i think i am in love with one of the chocolate-making brothers. (the one who looks like shannon.)

* i know it's linguistic elitism to decry the devolution of my version of the english language, and to feel like it's all falling apart because of lazy grunters and endless IMing, but it makes me glad to know that someone, somewhere, finds this stuff worth noting. (though they're in the UK, which is a completely different language, but still....)

* you guys, poor bernard madoff has been under house arrest in his manhattan penthouse for WEEKS. hasn't the poor man suffered enough?! answer: not even close. i love the last part, where he says he should get to keep his penthouse and $60 mill in assets because they're in his wife's name. aside from publicly spanking him on his testicles 50 billion times, i can't think of a non-death penalty punishment strict enough for him.

* this month is the 150th birthday of dr. seuss himself, theodore geisel, so here are some seuss-related tid-bits
.

* i am literally sending healing vibes to coolio and his family right now. one might say they're in my prayers.

* i hesitate to even link to this sketch because some of you are going to think it's really disgusting and some are going to thinks it's really dumb. but somewhere, someone might see this and think it's really, really funny, too. i am warning you, though, guys (uncle keith), you're not going to think this is funny. it's partly about a guy who has sex with his cat. so, warning.

* i don't even watch tv and i have never seen this particular infomercial, but i laughed out loud anyway.



* dear justin timberlake, i love you. (via lisanti quarterly, which is awesome.)



* good luck not spending at least a few moments of your life jamming out with this. (via max silvestr, via a zillion other people.)

grab bag, 2/27/09.

* it's the website for my famous little pup and his famous little siblings! check in often to see how the wee pooches are doing, and maybe buy a calendar!

* when i first moved to LA, me and lu lived in an amazing shopping neighborhood. there were a lot of things about that neighborhood that sucked, like the traffic and being a million miles away from every freeway and the lack of like-minded people living nearby (at least none we found.) but there was a LOT that was great about it, and it really was the perfect neighborhood for us to live in when we first got there. it was really centrally located, so not being near freeways wasn't that big a deal, though lu was dating a guy who lived in pasadena, so that sucked for both of them. it was a manageable driving distance from UCLA. there were a lot of tasty restaurants within walking distance, including the best coffee i have ever had. (seriously. it's amazing and so intense. if coffee is pot, this coffee is totally hash.)it was a couple of blocks away from the beverly center, which is a giant mammoth of a mall. and, aside from the bev, there was really, really, really good shopping on 3rd. really good.

among the stores on 3rd that i'd haunt, like a little starving, fashion conscious student ghost, there were several that seemed to sell only candles and soap and stuff. that doesn't seem like a very appealing mix to me in my head, since i don't burn candles much, and i don't just buy bars of soap on impulse, but there was a candle in one of those stores that was the yummiest smelling thing i had ever found in the entire world. i would visit the candle, and smell it, before wandering on to keep browsing because it was ridiculously expensive (for me, for a candle.)

but i couldn't get it out of my head. it had a smokey, almost creamy smell. it came in a gorgeous deep red smoked glass container, with a cool picture on it in relief, with an elephant and some words in french which i was eventually able to figure out was the name of the company and some reference to tea, which made sense. turns out the scent of the tea was earl grey tea. YUM. so, when i got my student loan disbursement one quarter, i splurged and bought it.

oh man, how delicious our apartment smelled, which was quite a feat, since our apartment was not a naturally tasty smelling place since we lived across the hallway from a huge open garbage pit thingie that bred cockroaches. so maybe the smell was more smokey earl grey tea mixed with hot garbage. but still, that's better than just hot garbage.

and, as happens with many things we love and use accordingly, eventually there was only a thin little layer of was on the bottom. despite trying to ration my usage to stave off this eventuality, it happened. so i decided the enjoyment was worth the cost, especially since shannon liked the smell of it, too, and shannon hates scented everything! see? it was a GOOD BUY!

but, alas, the store i'd bought it from had closed. and all google searches for the company came up with nothing. and i am not going to pretend i didn't seriously despair.

that was a few years ago. i have come to a place of peace about the loss. i barely ever think about how tasty that candle was. so imagine my positive DELIGHT when i found a reference to the french tea house that makes the candle in this week's GOOP newsletter from gwyneth paltrow! and, searching the website, I FOUND MY CANDLE!!!! and they have more candles that are probably totally yummy, too!!

a sobering check on the exchange rate from euro to dollar shows me that a single candle off this website is $57. >gulp.< but man, i really want it.

* people, compassionate fascism says absolutely not to fundamentalism of all kinds. so, behead your wives and bomb abortion clinics while you still can because your days are numbered. (obviously obama's social spending and just the beginning of the rebuilding of the welfare state, which is laying the groundwork for government taking over every aspect of our lives, which will be the perfect time for compassionate fascism.)

* i'm concerned about what happens 'when shit goes down' and so is the onion.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

le plus ca change, the plus c'est le meme chose.

* stay classy, new york post.

* we're having some serious budget problems in california.

glad to see that the republicans in our state are moved by the spirit of bi-partisanship that's sweeping the nation.

just kidding, that's not happening in washington or in california.

what the fuck is wrong with america?

oh, i know. TOO MANY CHOICES and too many people whose opinions don't matter having a say in things.

this crap would NEVER happen if i were running stuff.

i'd take the head republicans and the governor and the head democrats and knock all their heads together, then give them all a public spanking for being a bunch of ninnies and letting things get to this point.

i'm so sick of the republicans and the democrats taking turns being the boss and then punishing whoever was in charge before. and i'm sick of whoever is on the bottom being a bunch of whiny contrarians. also, democrats, how the fuck did you let CALIFORNIA have so many republicans that they can completely stop these negotiations? blowing it, democrats. blowing it.

WORK IT OUT.

compassionate fascism works because we just make the right decisions for everyone and we're not really interested in ideological differences of opinions because we've got a fucking country to run and it's possible we know a little more about running a country that moonbeam stargazer in berkeley, or cletus q. overbite in spitoon, tx.

obviously we can't solve the budget crisis with ALL spending cuts, nor can it be ALL tax hikes. it'll be a combination of both because that's what needs to happen.

enough. shut up. make it happen.

* i know i'm kinda fixated on this octuplets lady, but i just keep having her shoved in my face. this article is upsetting because she is so obviously obsessed with angelina jolie and is lying about it. also because of her poor mother's quote at the end.

* this article is upsetting because it just adds on to the established pattern of behavior from this family. i'll admit, my first thought when reading that headline was to think about what losers that family is, which is unlike me. i lay a greater weight of responsibility on unscrupulous lenders in this whole housing mess, because they were making loans that they knew the people could never afford. these idiots ought to have known that the deals they were getting were too good to be true, but obviously common sense and the ability to take responsibility for one's actions is not a highly prized skill in our culture, so how could they be expected to NOT think that they deserved to own homes they couldn't afford? but those lenders, THEY knew. so, shame on them.

so, this family, with the parents who are behind on their house payments because they had an adjustable rate mortgage, and the daughter who keeps making kids in her freaky science experiment way... could they cost tax payers more money? because i'm sure the parents are going to want help negotiating their mortgage, which they should be able to do, definitely, but is that going to come out of this new housing package? because being behind on your house payments because you're working full time raising the illegitimate children of your own (obviously) poorly-raised daughters isn't a very good excuse.

(i know it is easy to blame parents for kids who turn out idiots or criminals or just bad people. sometimes good parents end up with kids who are duds. i know being a parent isn't easy, and i certainly don't suggest that it is. you do the best you can and hope for the best, like in everything else in life. but to look at this baby-hoarder, and see her behavior, and see what a weirdo she is, doesn't that suggest something went awry in her upbringing? if the only problem is that they keep enabling her to make these catastrophically terrible decisions, isn't that a huge, huge mistake? yes, it is.)

so this family is costing us for the daughter's disability. it's costing us for her food stamps and disability payments for her kids who have special needs. it's costing us for her hospital stay, including a few weeks of care for SEVEN babies. it's costing us for her future student loans, which she imagines will be enough to support her and her 14 kids. it's probably going to cost us for them to keep their shoebox of a house. i just feel like it's not fair that people who aren't making terrible decisions or raising their kids to be selfish monsters should have to foot the bill. i'm bankrolling this crazy lady's lifestyle. not cool.

* last 'best night ever' with one of my internet boyfriends, max silvestri. i am making a sad face as i watch this. if you haven't watched it before, feel free to watch them all on that same site because they are consistently really, really funny. i don't even watch TV and i find them entertaining despite being entirely about tv.

* i'm really curious about the amazon kindle. i love the idea of saving the paper wasted to print books. i know that the traditional print industries are all struggling right now, and i feel not great about abandoning them, but i also feel like a paper-based industry is just asking for an overhaul. if we're all so concerned about trees and recycling and conserving, it seems like any industry that is built on semi- or non-renewable resources is out of sync. i can't count the number of books and magazines i've purchased or been given which i then gave to the library or left at the gym. i totally didn't need my own copy of either, because i had no intention of rereading them. like buying an mp3 instead of a cd, it uses a lot less resources to get the digital version of media instead, or at least first. if i love an album i got online, i'll often buy the cd. also, how futuristic is the kindle, right? imagine having THAT with you on vacation, instead of lugging around a paperback or something, trying to buy english language books in a foreign country, having the new yorker with you already. good stuff, right?

but what if it totally sucks, or it lacks the magic of paper books? i know the having music in digital format has sort of ruined music for me. apparently having access to so much music devalues my music and makes it a lot harder to bond intensely with any single album the way i used to. though, could that be age? i just find that since i got my first ipod, i have had much faster turnaround time with music, where i'll be intensely interested in an album or artist, then it fades. what if the kindle does that for books?

i also question whether reading something on a hand held will be icky feeling, like reading stuff online is. i find it much more difficult to retain information that i've read online, like an article i am supposed to download for school vs. a printed hand out. what if the kindle is the same way?

any thoughts?

in the news.

some odds and ends.

thought i'd keep this separate from my anti-octuplet mom rant, where i alienate all readers who have received fertility treatments, had a bunch of abortions, are big fans of life support, or don't believe in the evolutionary importance of thinning the herd.

* you guys, the bankers are really sorry and they swear they'll pay us back, real soon. this must be how bubbles's sister felt, when he'd come home and ask her for money or a place to say so he could get clean, and then went out to do heroin again, am i right? (that's about 'the wire.' you just don't get it.)

* yeah, mr. peanut factory owner, you're going to jail.

* oh, also, everyone associated with the madoff mess, you're going to jail, too.

* i'm on the fence about this. technically it's not helping anything or anyone and is a huge waste of time and money that she could be spending on more productive things. that is a central tenet of compassionate fascism, no wasted time or money on idiotic shamwow crap. but it's also really funny and rather sweet. any thoughts?

* aw. valentine's day.

why is this a free country?

i have been getting very upset about the lady who had octuplets.

are you familiar with the basic outline of the story?

here are a few links to get you up to speed. i'll meet you back here.

* a general article with just the basics.

* the mom did an interview and some serious issues are coming up.

done reading?

okay, let's discuss this because i am freaking out a little bit about this...

i am totally pro-choice. i absolutely support a woman's right to choose what she wants or doesn't want to do with her body. abortion is a really sticky issue and not a thing i think anyone should take lightly. ideally, every single person would be totally aware of the fact that they could potentially create a new life EVERY TIME THEY HAVE SEX, because aside from abstinence, there are always improbable accidents with any method of birth control. yes, you will most likely not get pregnant if you are using responsible methods of birth control, but since it's a possibility, don't do it unless you're prepared to deal with the results, soberly and seriously, whatever those results are.

so, compassionate fascism is a pro-choice system, mostly because we don't need more people being brought into the world just because they've already been conceived. there are far, far, FAR more children than there are healthy families to raise them all. if we had a population shortage or something, i'd be willing to adjusting the birthing policy, but given the current state of the environment, pro-choice all the way, with some rules. for example, if you have beyond a certain number within a certain length of time, you must meet with a reproductive health counselor to talk about what the fuck is wrong with your birth control methods. if you're not using birth control, you'll be given a shot, since you can't be trusted to manage it yourself.

anyway... i digress.

this crazy octuplets lady.

you guys, she's a nightmare.

she used her disability payments to get fertility treatments.
she already had 6 kids, 3 of whom had special needs of some kind.
she had bizarre plastic surgery.
she says she's going back to school to get her degree and she'll support her kids with student loans.
the medical costs for her babies' delivery and continued care was submitted to medi-cal.

she's making me so mad.

and she brings up the point: should it really be a free country?

the entire idea behind compassionate fascism is this: most people aren't smart enough to make good decisions for themselves so they need to have those decisions made for them. like raising kids, you need to be firm, kind, loving and absolutely The Boss. so, the government is The Boss. to the extent that you are living a life where you're not hurting others, not making people's lives worse, you're contributing to society, you're given plenty of freedoms. the stuff that the government would take care of will be stuff no one really wants to pay for themselves anyway, like health care or education. (p.s. lawyers would all be public servants.) but if you prove yourself to be a dummy who can't make good decisions for yourself, and given the effect that one person's idiocy can have on other people around them (like an alcoholic's effect on a family), your freedoms will be diminished steadily to the point where all your decisions are made for you.

so, should this insane baby hoarder be allowed to make decisions for herself?

no.

no, she should not.

read about her and try to tell yourself her kids are NOT going to end up completely fucked because of what a crazy person she is.

it reminds me a lot of michael jackson and his kids. i really believe that michael jackson loves his kids. he's probably more like a kid than an adult, it seems, so he probably cares for them very, very deeply and really wants the best for them. but are we going to trust his judgment on what's best for him, given he named on blanket and another one prince michael?

compassionate fascism (or whatever we're calling it) says no, sir. we're taking your kids away. we don't need to see evidence of your kids being in an unhealthy, completely bizarre environment, because we have seen the pictures of you and them on the internet. compelling and persuasive evidence. so, mj, we're taking your kids away, where they'll be raised by normal people who will let them be seen in public and isn't suffering from from PTSD from being raised by a molesting monster show biz dad. you can totally spend time with them! but you don't get to raise them alone, away from any kind of scrutiny.

under compassionate fascism, this craziness with the octuplets would NEVER happen.

i'm really torn about fertility treatments already, given the afore-mentioned population problems. we don't need more people, even born into loving homes. why not raise one of the tons of great kids, all around the world, looking for homes?

i know that many, many women dream of giving birth and find it difficult once they get started, and i know that when the time comes for me and shannon to do baby-making, i would have a very hard time if i found out i couldn't get pregnant.

however, i wouldn't consider fertility treatments. if it doesn't happen, so be it. we'll adopt a chinese baby or something. (they're really popular in marin.)

part of the reason our population woes are so serious is that no one freakin' dies anymore. everyone is getting brain transplants and life support and fertility treatments and intensive care. we NEED the weakest members of the herd to be picked off by predators, so the herd as a whole can survive. you don't want the weakest, fattest, slowest, stupidest members of the herd reproducing because they'll just make more weak, slow, fat, stupid creatures. death is basically the most natural thing in the world, and compassionate fascism sees population control as one of the most important issues facing human kind, and we act accordingly. that means no long-term life support for people who are in vegetative states. no life support for babies that struggle after a certain point. organ transplants will be severely limited. we need an attitude that people die and that, while it's very, very sad, it's also the way things are.

so, nadya suleman would NEVER have gotten fertility treatments. ever. in fact, once she had three kids she'd need to submit to some serious psychological testing to be allowed to have another kid. sorry, compassionate fascism takes baby-making seriously and it's not for nutbar drains on the welfare system.

also, that quack doctor who implanted her with all those embryos would be in jail. seriously. jail for a doctor means treating inmates in prison, while you're in prison. no reason for all the knowledge to go to waste. being a doctor means you have great powers and with great power comes great responsibility and you, mr. quack doctor, are misusing your powers and you are a jerk and a criminal and negligent and you're going to jail to treat inmate's STDs.

and nadya, i'm sorry, but you're being sterilized. people who really love kids have a few and then run a day care center or become teachers. they do not have more and more and more like they're running their own human puppy mill. that's hoarding, you weirdo, and you have proven you are not sane enough to make your own decisions, so we're going to make the decisions for you. we're taking your babies, because you can't afford to raise them anyway, and we're taking the three kids who have special needs, because you're not giving them the care they need, i am sure of it. you can keep your three able-bodied kids, but you're being assigned a full-time government nanny, who will be monitoring for any signs of you messing them up, and we'll totally take them away if we have to.

under compassionate fascism, it's not really a free country because most people are too dumb to manage the freedoms available to them, so we'll handle stuff so you can just hang out and watch 'ow! my nuts!' or whatever reality television you prefer.

wow, that was pretty serious wasn't it?
maybe you should watch that little kid on pain killers again, to clear the palette?

how about reading what mark lisanti has to tell us about the bail out? the socket-humping wasn't to my tastes, but i see where he's going with his comparison and also, that koala is holding hands with that guy!

kids on drugs.

i can't get enough of this video.
seriously, i've watched it over and over and i am still not tired of it.



if i had ever done illicit drugs of any kind, which i certainly haven't because they are illegal, i imagine one might experience something like this while under the influence.

definitely one of my favorite things this week.

p.s. compassionate fascism believes in legalized drugs because the war on drugs is a dumb joke and stigmatizing something doesn't make it go away so let's just find a way to support people who are having trouble with it so they're safe.

p.p.s. for some reason i have never googled the phrase 'compassionate fascism.' i guess i just assumed that since i came up with it myself, somehow no one would ever have come up with it before me. not sure why i would have thought that, but i was shocked to see how many hits there are for it.
you guys, it's already a thing!
there is a band on myspace with that name!
(another post referred to 'enlightened imperialism' which is also a catchy name.)
but stil...
should i come up with a new name for my political system?
i don't want there to be confusion between MY version and someone else's version...
what do you think?

some thoughts on education and the future.

shannon and i talked through some ideas about the educational system under compassionate fascism.

the whole talk started with a discussion of the operating system used in a lot of computers in future movies. you might be familiar with the one i talking about. it's the one tony stark uses in 'ironman.' they use it in 'minority report' too. they also use it in 'vanilla sky.' the basic idea is that everything is controlled with your hands. 'ironman' has it floating in 3D space, and he's just poking stuff and tossing it around and talking to his super-computer. i was more impressed with the one in 'vanilla sky,' which was otherwise a totally weird, forgettable movie.

in that movie, the computer was a flat panel on tilda swinton's desk, and she was using it a lot like we use iphones. again with the poking and flinging and dragging, but with her hands.

that is some future technology that i think isn't far away, and i am stoked on ways it can be applied to schools and to business.

so, computers will be one panel, either propped up in front of you with perhaps a wireless, touch-sensitive mouse pad, or laying flat on the table in front of you. the entire thing will be a screen, like an iphone. the keyboard will hide or be shown as needed. you'll drag things manually from one place to another. you'll poke a file with your finger and drag it into the trash. easy as pie, right? i'm predicting this isn't far away. not next year but within the next 10 years, i think we'll probably see that.

students will have laptops that they are given when they arrive at school, probably from the youngest possible age. preschool kids will play shape and color games on them. they'll have writing recognition programs, so that you'll learn to write on them, too, using a stylus. all tests will be taken on them, and then sent to the teacher's computer, via wireless internet. no textbooks, because everything will be downloaded to the computers as needed.

bibliophiles, you'll still be able to buy real paper books. but we need to do something about the paper useage in books and people we don't need to be printing hundreds of thousands of copies of the newest diet fad book. save the trees for something that matters. like celebrity gossip magazines.

kids will take notes on their school laptops. they can have their own home laptops, but the ones for school will be mandatory. everyone will carry flash drives with them everywhere they go, in case they need to get some work from their school/work computer onto their home, or vice versa. lectures will be automatically recorded and made available to students. attendance to classes will be monitored by thumb scans at the doorways of classes. each professor will decide on their attendance policy.

all papers will be written on the laptops and, again, sent to the professor via wireless connection.

shannon and i had some disagreements about upgrades, like what will happen when it's time to get new computers.

i felt like the old school computers would be collected, expertly refurbished, and sold online, with proceeds going to the ministry of education. perhaps they could be refurbished by students in higher level computer engineering classes!

shannon brought up an interesting point. he suggested that products under compassionate fascism be built to last, like old american cars. there is no conceivable reason why people need to buy the newest model of computer every year when the majority of the really important changes are software and operating system changes. so why not have a body that is so simple but so reliable that there's really nothing to update for? what if it was built to be used for an entire lifetime? so a kid is assigned a school computer when they're in kindergarten and they use the same one for their entire educational careers, until they graduate. any new changes to the model will be because of significant advances, not something dumb like changing the sharp edges into rounded ones, or changing the body from black plastic to titanium alloy.

i like this idea. i like the idea of america making cars that are built to be passed on to your kids and your grandkids with pride. and not as a cool, expensive luxury, like many classic cars are now, but as heirlooms, with standardized parts that make it fixable by a wide array of people, not just people with the expensive computers for diagnostics and crap. to balance the need for consumer spending to fuel the economy with our government's firm commitment to sustainability in all industries, at every level, we would allow auto upgrades for each driver every 5 years, let's say. no changing before that. you certainly don't have to upgrade every five years, and in fact you're encouraged not to, but as long as you wait five years, you are allowed to buy trade for a new model. that being said, i think the the auto industry, and all consumer industries, will be strictly controlled in the amount of new products or new models of old products that they're allowed to put out. if the main change is blue fog lights instead of yellow, wait until you have some other, seriously important changes and then release something new. say, every ten years, the auto industry gets to release a brand new model. however, all subsequent models need to be adaptable to the older models, and new advances in car components need to take into account that most people will just be getting upgrades to their old cars, because as a society we frown on conspicuous consumption.

some other odds and ends:

1) all professions are paid the same amount. you can be given bonuses for good performance, but there are no professions that are guaranteed money-makers. likewise, there are no specializations in medicine that pay more or less. being in public health will pay the same as holistic nutrition. also there will be no plastic surgery allowed unless the situation is related to a medical problem, like a burn or something. no gastric by-passes, no lipo, no vaginal rejuvenation. doctors of these things, you're wasting the world's time and money. please devote yourself to something that actually benefits mankind, not helps it become more lazy and image-obsessed.

2) doctors don't get paid by their patients until they've either cured the problem, passed the patient along to a different practitioner, or made a measurable contribution to the curing of the ailment. there will be no repeated visits for issues that aren't ever solved, for which you, the patient, are expected to pay. not that it matters because we'll OBVIOUSLY have universal health care and the insurance industry will seem as quaint and bizarre as the idea of barbers as surgeons.

3) there are way more doctors, and each doctor has fewer patients. this will give them more time to devote to solving individual problems, instead of making the patient clamor for help to no avail. doctors will be trained to understand that curing illness is their only job, and to the extent that illness is not being cured on their watch, they're failing. this won't put pressure on doctors to solve difficult cases, and there will be unlimited resources available for consultations with other doctors, and trying experimental treatments, or collaborating with practitioners of other healing styles (e.g. chinese herbs, ayurveda (sp?)) what it will do is force them to keep their attention focused on a case for as long as it takes to resolve the problem, or create a long-term treatment plan. for debilitating, long-term cases, one doctor will be in charge of all aspects of treatment, coordinating with the various others.

4) everyone automatically has a chiropractor, a therapist, a dentist, a doctor and a massage therapist.

i have more thoughts but it's late and i need to go to bed, so i'll leave you with this question to ponder for next time's discussion: while considering the case of the nutbar who gave birth to octuplets, is there such a thing as a country that's too free? (obviously that fertility doctor is also crazy and should be retired and sent to work in an apiary or something. no more medicine for you.)

the "theory" of evolution.

i am aware that there are people in the country, maybe even people that i know, who are on the fence about evolution. i am aware that that is a thing that some people think. but i still don't GET it. i can't help but mentally stutter over it.
"yeah, i know. but seriously, what? right. yeah. okay. i can understand that. but seriously, WHAT?!"
how should compassionate fascism address religious differences?
i say all religions are allowed, but the government is STRICTLY not involved in religious issues.
(accordingly, no religious governmental holidays. we'll come up with appropriate secular seasonal holidays, but none of this easter or christmas nonsense.)
so, our government's policies are informed by science, and things that are provable. if a test can be replicated, that's science.
miracles? not science.
perhaps miracles exist and happen.
but they aren't replicable, so they're not in.
stories out of a book that has a long history of being tinkered with by political leaders are not science.
they are stories.
they are fables, and absolutely appropriate to help one guide their behavior.
totally tip-top on that.
but they are not going to inform our governmental policies.
so, prop 8, no.
we just say across the board - it doesn't matter what your religion tells you, you don't get to LEGALLY disenfranchise any one group.
under compassionate fascism, we respect the role the religion plays in peoples lives and even celebrate it! yay, diversity of views and opinions!
but science isn't an opinion, it's fact.
like, concrete and provable.
so, darwin, not controversial.
yeah, he was a scientist, people.
evolution isn't a theory, and the fact that it contradicts your religion is not an issue for the government to deal with, it's something to be dealt with by each individual person.
i'm tempted to say there are no religious priivate schools allowed under compassionate fascism.
obvs we'll have public schools so awesome no one will need private schools. in fact, every school, of all different types (montessori, waldorf, french, performing arts, whatevs) will receive government funding, and what school you attend will be a matter of preference and not a matter of privilege. parents with no money deserve to have their kids learn fluent french if they want to, right?
no reasons for private schools.
um...we believe in school uniforms.
school doesn't need to be a fashion show, kids. that's what free time is for.
i haven't got a good solution to home schooling.
as a supporter of home schooling, i am reluctant to ban it, but the goal is to have public schools be so good that no one feels they need to home school.
i'll think more about that.
families for whom religion is really important are totally welcome to teach their kids whatever they want to about morality and such, but that's not what school time is for. school time is for preparing young people for healthy, successful adulthood. whether or not that adulthood is informed by religious belief is a matter for families to figure out.
i'm not sure about year-round school schedules, but i'm open to them.

watch your mouth, bitch. and lemurs.

john cleese, one of the people who live on my imaginary celebrity cul-de-sac (along with bill murray, steve martin, anthony hopkins, alec baldwin, and anyone else i add along the way) got totally burned by some lying tart. i'm gonna get her.

you should rent john cleese's nature movie about lemurs. it's wonderful, partly because it's a great nature movie and partly because it's john cleese.

animal welfare.

because i am not a total monster, i'm concerned about the welfare of animals.

i have some conflicts about what a privileged, affluent-nation concept that is, since you can only worry about animal welfare if you're not wondering where your next meal is coming from. i'm not saying that 3rd world countries don't care about animals, or that poor people can't be genuinely concerned about the health and happiness of their pets, because that's not entirely true, but it's not unfair to say that people in 3rd world countries aren't getting their dogs massages or acupuncture. i don't think it's necessarily bad that we coddle our animals so much or that we love them as much as we do, but i do think it obviously can get out of hand. the money we spend on pet psychics and getting our pets dyed to match our outfits could be spent on shit that actually matters, like food and medicine and stuff.

i think we can all agree that a certain level of respect is owed animal of all kinds. like, i respect your inherent right to exist and not be covered in lighter fluid and set on fire. for example. okay, your dog lives with you primarily to be scary and keep away intruders from your meth lab. fair enough. not how i keep my animals, but fine. so put a plastic dog house and a fucking bed out there for him when it's cold, jerk. kids, don't mess with any animals. they don't hold you down and pull your fingers off, though perhaps they out to.

under compassionate fascism, we have some much stiffer rules about animals and who gets to own them. first off, you need licenses for EVERYTHING. owning a dog, owning a cat, owning a lizard - every animals needs to be licensed. we'll have a subsidy program for paying the fees, because not everyone can afford them perhaps, and the fees will be negligible, but the importance is that, like driving, you need to take some classes to learn how to be responsible for your pet. under compassionate fascism, there will be ONE authorized breeder of purebred dogs per state. yeah, one. why? because the vast majority of people are too stupid to own dogs, much less breed them. owning purebred dogs will be an incredible luxury item. the only dogs available for smaller fees are shelter dogs. obviously all selling of puppies at stores is absolutely against the law. anyone found running a puppy mill or selling puppies illegally will be...um...punished. say, sentenced to living at an animal shelter and working there for one year. see? the punishment directly addresses the crime. shelters will be much larger and much better funded. every state will have a no-kill sanctuary, where unadoptable animals will be allowed to live forever. people caught being cruel to animals will be sentenced to long stretches cleaning up animal crap on those no-kill sanctuaries. they'll also have cuddle therapy sessions where they hopefully learn to be appropriate in their interactions with animals.

people who can't afford the high prices of buying a pure-bred dog might be eligible for a grant. in order to get a grant, though, you need to jump through some serious hoops to prove you are truly passionate about that breed. a year of intensive research on the breed and time spent working with the breeder in your state will make you eligible, as well as a lengthy screening process to make sure you're not a creep.

breeders will be held to incredibly high standards, and will have bi-yearly meetings where all the breeders of a single breed get together to discuss shared issues. obvs representatives from the Office of Animal Welfare will be there to facilitate and help out.

all animals will be fixed before being placed in a home. all animals will stay with their mothers until at least 8 weeks. AT LEAST.

all dogs must be have adequate exercise. if you can't afford to hire a dog walker or take your dog to a day care while you're working, you'll be paired up with a local teenager who is doing their mandatory volunteer hours by taking care of pets.

that's it for now.

any thoughts about this issue?

skanks.

In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

bernard madoff, you're a pig.

is bernard madoff evil, or just the most cowardly, selfish, destructive trash monster to ever roam the earth?

here's a round up of bernard madoff stories.
* a basic summary of the story from reuters.

* this poor guy had been warning the SEC about madoff for years, to no avail. way to go, SEC! we can add it to the list of government agencies that obviously don't work for crap.

* just one of many, many people whose lives have been ruined by this asshole. it's so sad, i can barely read it. i know that life is full of tragedies, and bad things happen to good people all the time and some of them will make lemonade out of the ocean of lemons that are drowning them, but this is just so upsetting to me. many of the people affected are just normal people who thought they were being smart by investing in their futures, which is what we're all supposed to be doing. yeah, some were rich folks, but a lot were just normal people.

* interesting question: should investors who did make money have to give some of their money back, since it was not actually profits on their investments, but rather money bilked from new clients?

* nothing new, but i thought it was funny that there's a website called 'dickipedia,' which has an entry for madoff now, because obviously he's at least a little bit of a dick.

under compassionate fascism, i think someone like bernard madoff would be forced to live a life of service and poverty forever. basically he'd be like a permanent volunteer for the poor, paid in food and lodging. he would not ever be allowed to handle money of any kind. also he'd have to have a tattoo on his face that says 'i am not trust-worthy.' or something.

it is important, under compassionate fascism, that punishments be directly linked to the broken rule. also, the punishment needs to work towards in some way helping to ease the ills caused by the broken rule. so, his crime caused people to be poor while he stayed VERY wealthy, so he should be forced to be poor, too, and work full time, forever, towards making the lives of the poor better. oh, also, all of his family should have their money taken away, too, because it's all from unclean sources. so his kids and wife and whoever benefited from the scheme, knowingly or unknowingly, need to give the money back. they will be allowed to keep enough money to maintain and tolerable lifestyle, but the days of heirloom jewels and fantastic vacations are over, madoffs. ever been to walt disney world? i hear it's fun!

ooh! ooh! this just in! this is the best!

the lonely island has a new single!! (thanks, max silvestri, for alerting me to this breaking news in things that are the best.)

it's called 'i'm on a boat' and it's great, obvs.

(for those of you unfamiliar with the lonely island, i don't have time to get into it here, but suffice it to say: they're so funny you MIGHT DIE. so, you know. be cautious.)

welcome!

hello, friends!

this is for me to share more pop culture related things that i like.

the title is a reference to my political system of the same name. i'm working out the kinks, and i'll post additions to it here. i'll also post suggestions about products, movies, books, websites, and anything else i think is cool.

that way, people hoping to read something personal and meaningful can read my other blog, caring is cool, but people who want something a bit lighter can just come here. but please, friends, do both.

see you soon!