animal welfare.

because i am not a total monster, i'm concerned about the welfare of animals.

i have some conflicts about what a privileged, affluent-nation concept that is, since you can only worry about animal welfare if you're not wondering where your next meal is coming from. i'm not saying that 3rd world countries don't care about animals, or that poor people can't be genuinely concerned about the health and happiness of their pets, because that's not entirely true, but it's not unfair to say that people in 3rd world countries aren't getting their dogs massages or acupuncture. i don't think it's necessarily bad that we coddle our animals so much or that we love them as much as we do, but i do think it obviously can get out of hand. the money we spend on pet psychics and getting our pets dyed to match our outfits could be spent on shit that actually matters, like food and medicine and stuff.

i think we can all agree that a certain level of respect is owed animal of all kinds. like, i respect your inherent right to exist and not be covered in lighter fluid and set on fire. for example. okay, your dog lives with you primarily to be scary and keep away intruders from your meth lab. fair enough. not how i keep my animals, but fine. so put a plastic dog house and a fucking bed out there for him when it's cold, jerk. kids, don't mess with any animals. they don't hold you down and pull your fingers off, though perhaps they out to.

under compassionate fascism, we have some much stiffer rules about animals and who gets to own them. first off, you need licenses for EVERYTHING. owning a dog, owning a cat, owning a lizard - every animals needs to be licensed. we'll have a subsidy program for paying the fees, because not everyone can afford them perhaps, and the fees will be negligible, but the importance is that, like driving, you need to take some classes to learn how to be responsible for your pet. under compassionate fascism, there will be ONE authorized breeder of purebred dogs per state. yeah, one. why? because the vast majority of people are too stupid to own dogs, much less breed them. owning purebred dogs will be an incredible luxury item. the only dogs available for smaller fees are shelter dogs. obviously all selling of puppies at stores is absolutely against the law. anyone found running a puppy mill or selling puppies illegally will be...um...punished. say, sentenced to living at an animal shelter and working there for one year. see? the punishment directly addresses the crime. shelters will be much larger and much better funded. every state will have a no-kill sanctuary, where unadoptable animals will be allowed to live forever. people caught being cruel to animals will be sentenced to long stretches cleaning up animal crap on those no-kill sanctuaries. they'll also have cuddle therapy sessions where they hopefully learn to be appropriate in their interactions with animals.

people who can't afford the high prices of buying a pure-bred dog might be eligible for a grant. in order to get a grant, though, you need to jump through some serious hoops to prove you are truly passionate about that breed. a year of intensive research on the breed and time spent working with the breeder in your state will make you eligible, as well as a lengthy screening process to make sure you're not a creep.

breeders will be held to incredibly high standards, and will have bi-yearly meetings where all the breeders of a single breed get together to discuss shared issues. obvs representatives from the Office of Animal Welfare will be there to facilitate and help out.

all animals will be fixed before being placed in a home. all animals will stay with their mothers until at least 8 weeks. AT LEAST.

all dogs must be have adequate exercise. if you can't afford to hire a dog walker or take your dog to a day care while you're working, you'll be paired up with a local teenager who is doing their mandatory volunteer hours by taking care of pets.

that's it for now.

any thoughts about this issue?