grab bag, 2/27/09.

* it's the website for my famous little pup and his famous little siblings! check in often to see how the wee pooches are doing, and maybe buy a calendar!

* when i first moved to LA, me and lu lived in an amazing shopping neighborhood. there were a lot of things about that neighborhood that sucked, like the traffic and being a million miles away from every freeway and the lack of like-minded people living nearby (at least none we found.) but there was a LOT that was great about it, and it really was the perfect neighborhood for us to live in when we first got there. it was really centrally located, so not being near freeways wasn't that big a deal, though lu was dating a guy who lived in pasadena, so that sucked for both of them. it was a manageable driving distance from UCLA. there were a lot of tasty restaurants within walking distance, including the best coffee i have ever had. (seriously. it's amazing and so intense. if coffee is pot, this coffee is totally hash.)it was a couple of blocks away from the beverly center, which is a giant mammoth of a mall. and, aside from the bev, there was really, really, really good shopping on 3rd. really good.

among the stores on 3rd that i'd haunt, like a little starving, fashion conscious student ghost, there were several that seemed to sell only candles and soap and stuff. that doesn't seem like a very appealing mix to me in my head, since i don't burn candles much, and i don't just buy bars of soap on impulse, but there was a candle in one of those stores that was the yummiest smelling thing i had ever found in the entire world. i would visit the candle, and smell it, before wandering on to keep browsing because it was ridiculously expensive (for me, for a candle.)

but i couldn't get it out of my head. it had a smokey, almost creamy smell. it came in a gorgeous deep red smoked glass container, with a cool picture on it in relief, with an elephant and some words in french which i was eventually able to figure out was the name of the company and some reference to tea, which made sense. turns out the scent of the tea was earl grey tea. YUM. so, when i got my student loan disbursement one quarter, i splurged and bought it.

oh man, how delicious our apartment smelled, which was quite a feat, since our apartment was not a naturally tasty smelling place since we lived across the hallway from a huge open garbage pit thingie that bred cockroaches. so maybe the smell was more smokey earl grey tea mixed with hot garbage. but still, that's better than just hot garbage.

and, as happens with many things we love and use accordingly, eventually there was only a thin little layer of was on the bottom. despite trying to ration my usage to stave off this eventuality, it happened. so i decided the enjoyment was worth the cost, especially since shannon liked the smell of it, too, and shannon hates scented everything! see? it was a GOOD BUY!

but, alas, the store i'd bought it from had closed. and all google searches for the company came up with nothing. and i am not going to pretend i didn't seriously despair.

that was a few years ago. i have come to a place of peace about the loss. i barely ever think about how tasty that candle was. so imagine my positive DELIGHT when i found a reference to the french tea house that makes the candle in this week's GOOP newsletter from gwyneth paltrow! and, searching the website, I FOUND MY CANDLE!!!! and they have more candles that are probably totally yummy, too!!

a sobering check on the exchange rate from euro to dollar shows me that a single candle off this website is $57. >gulp.< but man, i really want it.

* people, compassionate fascism says absolutely not to fundamentalism of all kinds. so, behead your wives and bomb abortion clinics while you still can because your days are numbered. (obviously obama's social spending and just the beginning of the rebuilding of the welfare state, which is laying the groundwork for government taking over every aspect of our lives, which will be the perfect time for compassionate fascism.)

* i'm concerned about what happens 'when shit goes down' and so is the onion.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

le plus ca change, the plus c'est le meme chose.

* stay classy, new york post.

* we're having some serious budget problems in california.

glad to see that the republicans in our state are moved by the spirit of bi-partisanship that's sweeping the nation.

just kidding, that's not happening in washington or in california.

what the fuck is wrong with america?

oh, i know. TOO MANY CHOICES and too many people whose opinions don't matter having a say in things.

this crap would NEVER happen if i were running stuff.

i'd take the head republicans and the governor and the head democrats and knock all their heads together, then give them all a public spanking for being a bunch of ninnies and letting things get to this point.

i'm so sick of the republicans and the democrats taking turns being the boss and then punishing whoever was in charge before. and i'm sick of whoever is on the bottom being a bunch of whiny contrarians. also, democrats, how the fuck did you let CALIFORNIA have so many republicans that they can completely stop these negotiations? blowing it, democrats. blowing it.

WORK IT OUT.

compassionate fascism works because we just make the right decisions for everyone and we're not really interested in ideological differences of opinions because we've got a fucking country to run and it's possible we know a little more about running a country that moonbeam stargazer in berkeley, or cletus q. overbite in spitoon, tx.

obviously we can't solve the budget crisis with ALL spending cuts, nor can it be ALL tax hikes. it'll be a combination of both because that's what needs to happen.

enough. shut up. make it happen.

* i know i'm kinda fixated on this octuplets lady, but i just keep having her shoved in my face. this article is upsetting because she is so obviously obsessed with angelina jolie and is lying about it. also because of her poor mother's quote at the end.

* this article is upsetting because it just adds on to the established pattern of behavior from this family. i'll admit, my first thought when reading that headline was to think about what losers that family is, which is unlike me. i lay a greater weight of responsibility on unscrupulous lenders in this whole housing mess, because they were making loans that they knew the people could never afford. these idiots ought to have known that the deals they were getting were too good to be true, but obviously common sense and the ability to take responsibility for one's actions is not a highly prized skill in our culture, so how could they be expected to NOT think that they deserved to own homes they couldn't afford? but those lenders, THEY knew. so, shame on them.

so, this family, with the parents who are behind on their house payments because they had an adjustable rate mortgage, and the daughter who keeps making kids in her freaky science experiment way... could they cost tax payers more money? because i'm sure the parents are going to want help negotiating their mortgage, which they should be able to do, definitely, but is that going to come out of this new housing package? because being behind on your house payments because you're working full time raising the illegitimate children of your own (obviously) poorly-raised daughters isn't a very good excuse.

(i know it is easy to blame parents for kids who turn out idiots or criminals or just bad people. sometimes good parents end up with kids who are duds. i know being a parent isn't easy, and i certainly don't suggest that it is. you do the best you can and hope for the best, like in everything else in life. but to look at this baby-hoarder, and see her behavior, and see what a weirdo she is, doesn't that suggest something went awry in her upbringing? if the only problem is that they keep enabling her to make these catastrophically terrible decisions, isn't that a huge, huge mistake? yes, it is.)

so this family is costing us for the daughter's disability. it's costing us for her food stamps and disability payments for her kids who have special needs. it's costing us for her hospital stay, including a few weeks of care for SEVEN babies. it's costing us for her future student loans, which she imagines will be enough to support her and her 14 kids. it's probably going to cost us for them to keep their shoebox of a house. i just feel like it's not fair that people who aren't making terrible decisions or raising their kids to be selfish monsters should have to foot the bill. i'm bankrolling this crazy lady's lifestyle. not cool.

* last 'best night ever' with one of my internet boyfriends, max silvestri. i am making a sad face as i watch this. if you haven't watched it before, feel free to watch them all on that same site because they are consistently really, really funny. i don't even watch TV and i find them entertaining despite being entirely about tv.

* i'm really curious about the amazon kindle. i love the idea of saving the paper wasted to print books. i know that the traditional print industries are all struggling right now, and i feel not great about abandoning them, but i also feel like a paper-based industry is just asking for an overhaul. if we're all so concerned about trees and recycling and conserving, it seems like any industry that is built on semi- or non-renewable resources is out of sync. i can't count the number of books and magazines i've purchased or been given which i then gave to the library or left at the gym. i totally didn't need my own copy of either, because i had no intention of rereading them. like buying an mp3 instead of a cd, it uses a lot less resources to get the digital version of media instead, or at least first. if i love an album i got online, i'll often buy the cd. also, how futuristic is the kindle, right? imagine having THAT with you on vacation, instead of lugging around a paperback or something, trying to buy english language books in a foreign country, having the new yorker with you already. good stuff, right?

but what if it totally sucks, or it lacks the magic of paper books? i know the having music in digital format has sort of ruined music for me. apparently having access to so much music devalues my music and makes it a lot harder to bond intensely with any single album the way i used to. though, could that be age? i just find that since i got my first ipod, i have had much faster turnaround time with music, where i'll be intensely interested in an album or artist, then it fades. what if the kindle does that for books?

i also question whether reading something on a hand held will be icky feeling, like reading stuff online is. i find it much more difficult to retain information that i've read online, like an article i am supposed to download for school vs. a printed hand out. what if the kindle is the same way?

any thoughts?

in the news.

some odds and ends.

thought i'd keep this separate from my anti-octuplet mom rant, where i alienate all readers who have received fertility treatments, had a bunch of abortions, are big fans of life support, or don't believe in the evolutionary importance of thinning the herd.

* you guys, the bankers are really sorry and they swear they'll pay us back, real soon. this must be how bubbles's sister felt, when he'd come home and ask her for money or a place to say so he could get clean, and then went out to do heroin again, am i right? (that's about 'the wire.' you just don't get it.)

* yeah, mr. peanut factory owner, you're going to jail.

* oh, also, everyone associated with the madoff mess, you're going to jail, too.

* i'm on the fence about this. technically it's not helping anything or anyone and is a huge waste of time and money that she could be spending on more productive things. that is a central tenet of compassionate fascism, no wasted time or money on idiotic shamwow crap. but it's also really funny and rather sweet. any thoughts?

* aw. valentine's day.

why is this a free country?

i have been getting very upset about the lady who had octuplets.

are you familiar with the basic outline of the story?

here are a few links to get you up to speed. i'll meet you back here.

* a general article with just the basics.

* the mom did an interview and some serious issues are coming up.

done reading?

okay, let's discuss this because i am freaking out a little bit about this...

i am totally pro-choice. i absolutely support a woman's right to choose what she wants or doesn't want to do with her body. abortion is a really sticky issue and not a thing i think anyone should take lightly. ideally, every single person would be totally aware of the fact that they could potentially create a new life EVERY TIME THEY HAVE SEX, because aside from abstinence, there are always improbable accidents with any method of birth control. yes, you will most likely not get pregnant if you are using responsible methods of birth control, but since it's a possibility, don't do it unless you're prepared to deal with the results, soberly and seriously, whatever those results are.

so, compassionate fascism is a pro-choice system, mostly because we don't need more people being brought into the world just because they've already been conceived. there are far, far, FAR more children than there are healthy families to raise them all. if we had a population shortage or something, i'd be willing to adjusting the birthing policy, but given the current state of the environment, pro-choice all the way, with some rules. for example, if you have beyond a certain number within a certain length of time, you must meet with a reproductive health counselor to talk about what the fuck is wrong with your birth control methods. if you're not using birth control, you'll be given a shot, since you can't be trusted to manage it yourself.

anyway... i digress.

this crazy octuplets lady.

you guys, she's a nightmare.

she used her disability payments to get fertility treatments.
she already had 6 kids, 3 of whom had special needs of some kind.
she had bizarre plastic surgery.
she says she's going back to school to get her degree and she'll support her kids with student loans.
the medical costs for her babies' delivery and continued care was submitted to medi-cal.

she's making me so mad.

and she brings up the point: should it really be a free country?

the entire idea behind compassionate fascism is this: most people aren't smart enough to make good decisions for themselves so they need to have those decisions made for them. like raising kids, you need to be firm, kind, loving and absolutely The Boss. so, the government is The Boss. to the extent that you are living a life where you're not hurting others, not making people's lives worse, you're contributing to society, you're given plenty of freedoms. the stuff that the government would take care of will be stuff no one really wants to pay for themselves anyway, like health care or education. (p.s. lawyers would all be public servants.) but if you prove yourself to be a dummy who can't make good decisions for yourself, and given the effect that one person's idiocy can have on other people around them (like an alcoholic's effect on a family), your freedoms will be diminished steadily to the point where all your decisions are made for you.

so, should this insane baby hoarder be allowed to make decisions for herself?

no.

no, she should not.

read about her and try to tell yourself her kids are NOT going to end up completely fucked because of what a crazy person she is.

it reminds me a lot of michael jackson and his kids. i really believe that michael jackson loves his kids. he's probably more like a kid than an adult, it seems, so he probably cares for them very, very deeply and really wants the best for them. but are we going to trust his judgment on what's best for him, given he named on blanket and another one prince michael?

compassionate fascism (or whatever we're calling it) says no, sir. we're taking your kids away. we don't need to see evidence of your kids being in an unhealthy, completely bizarre environment, because we have seen the pictures of you and them on the internet. compelling and persuasive evidence. so, mj, we're taking your kids away, where they'll be raised by normal people who will let them be seen in public and isn't suffering from from PTSD from being raised by a molesting monster show biz dad. you can totally spend time with them! but you don't get to raise them alone, away from any kind of scrutiny.

under compassionate fascism, this craziness with the octuplets would NEVER happen.

i'm really torn about fertility treatments already, given the afore-mentioned population problems. we don't need more people, even born into loving homes. why not raise one of the tons of great kids, all around the world, looking for homes?

i know that many, many women dream of giving birth and find it difficult once they get started, and i know that when the time comes for me and shannon to do baby-making, i would have a very hard time if i found out i couldn't get pregnant.

however, i wouldn't consider fertility treatments. if it doesn't happen, so be it. we'll adopt a chinese baby or something. (they're really popular in marin.)

part of the reason our population woes are so serious is that no one freakin' dies anymore. everyone is getting brain transplants and life support and fertility treatments and intensive care. we NEED the weakest members of the herd to be picked off by predators, so the herd as a whole can survive. you don't want the weakest, fattest, slowest, stupidest members of the herd reproducing because they'll just make more weak, slow, fat, stupid creatures. death is basically the most natural thing in the world, and compassionate fascism sees population control as one of the most important issues facing human kind, and we act accordingly. that means no long-term life support for people who are in vegetative states. no life support for babies that struggle after a certain point. organ transplants will be severely limited. we need an attitude that people die and that, while it's very, very sad, it's also the way things are.

so, nadya suleman would NEVER have gotten fertility treatments. ever. in fact, once she had three kids she'd need to submit to some serious psychological testing to be allowed to have another kid. sorry, compassionate fascism takes baby-making seriously and it's not for nutbar drains on the welfare system.

also, that quack doctor who implanted her with all those embryos would be in jail. seriously. jail for a doctor means treating inmates in prison, while you're in prison. no reason for all the knowledge to go to waste. being a doctor means you have great powers and with great power comes great responsibility and you, mr. quack doctor, are misusing your powers and you are a jerk and a criminal and negligent and you're going to jail to treat inmate's STDs.

and nadya, i'm sorry, but you're being sterilized. people who really love kids have a few and then run a day care center or become teachers. they do not have more and more and more like they're running their own human puppy mill. that's hoarding, you weirdo, and you have proven you are not sane enough to make your own decisions, so we're going to make the decisions for you. we're taking your babies, because you can't afford to raise them anyway, and we're taking the three kids who have special needs, because you're not giving them the care they need, i am sure of it. you can keep your three able-bodied kids, but you're being assigned a full-time government nanny, who will be monitoring for any signs of you messing them up, and we'll totally take them away if we have to.

under compassionate fascism, it's not really a free country because most people are too dumb to manage the freedoms available to them, so we'll handle stuff so you can just hang out and watch 'ow! my nuts!' or whatever reality television you prefer.

wow, that was pretty serious wasn't it?
maybe you should watch that little kid on pain killers again, to clear the palette?

how about reading what mark lisanti has to tell us about the bail out? the socket-humping wasn't to my tastes, but i see where he's going with his comparison and also, that koala is holding hands with that guy!

kids on drugs.

i can't get enough of this video.
seriously, i've watched it over and over and i am still not tired of it.



if i had ever done illicit drugs of any kind, which i certainly haven't because they are illegal, i imagine one might experience something like this while under the influence.

definitely one of my favorite things this week.

p.s. compassionate fascism believes in legalized drugs because the war on drugs is a dumb joke and stigmatizing something doesn't make it go away so let's just find a way to support people who are having trouble with it so they're safe.

p.p.s. for some reason i have never googled the phrase 'compassionate fascism.' i guess i just assumed that since i came up with it myself, somehow no one would ever have come up with it before me. not sure why i would have thought that, but i was shocked to see how many hits there are for it.
you guys, it's already a thing!
there is a band on myspace with that name!
(another post referred to 'enlightened imperialism' which is also a catchy name.)
but stil...
should i come up with a new name for my political system?
i don't want there to be confusion between MY version and someone else's version...
what do you think?

some thoughts on education and the future.

shannon and i talked through some ideas about the educational system under compassionate fascism.

the whole talk started with a discussion of the operating system used in a lot of computers in future movies. you might be familiar with the one i talking about. it's the one tony stark uses in 'ironman.' they use it in 'minority report' too. they also use it in 'vanilla sky.' the basic idea is that everything is controlled with your hands. 'ironman' has it floating in 3D space, and he's just poking stuff and tossing it around and talking to his super-computer. i was more impressed with the one in 'vanilla sky,' which was otherwise a totally weird, forgettable movie.

in that movie, the computer was a flat panel on tilda swinton's desk, and she was using it a lot like we use iphones. again with the poking and flinging and dragging, but with her hands.

that is some future technology that i think isn't far away, and i am stoked on ways it can be applied to schools and to business.

so, computers will be one panel, either propped up in front of you with perhaps a wireless, touch-sensitive mouse pad, or laying flat on the table in front of you. the entire thing will be a screen, like an iphone. the keyboard will hide or be shown as needed. you'll drag things manually from one place to another. you'll poke a file with your finger and drag it into the trash. easy as pie, right? i'm predicting this isn't far away. not next year but within the next 10 years, i think we'll probably see that.

students will have laptops that they are given when they arrive at school, probably from the youngest possible age. preschool kids will play shape and color games on them. they'll have writing recognition programs, so that you'll learn to write on them, too, using a stylus. all tests will be taken on them, and then sent to the teacher's computer, via wireless internet. no textbooks, because everything will be downloaded to the computers as needed.

bibliophiles, you'll still be able to buy real paper books. but we need to do something about the paper useage in books and people we don't need to be printing hundreds of thousands of copies of the newest diet fad book. save the trees for something that matters. like celebrity gossip magazines.

kids will take notes on their school laptops. they can have their own home laptops, but the ones for school will be mandatory. everyone will carry flash drives with them everywhere they go, in case they need to get some work from their school/work computer onto their home, or vice versa. lectures will be automatically recorded and made available to students. attendance to classes will be monitored by thumb scans at the doorways of classes. each professor will decide on their attendance policy.

all papers will be written on the laptops and, again, sent to the professor via wireless connection.

shannon and i had some disagreements about upgrades, like what will happen when it's time to get new computers.

i felt like the old school computers would be collected, expertly refurbished, and sold online, with proceeds going to the ministry of education. perhaps they could be refurbished by students in higher level computer engineering classes!

shannon brought up an interesting point. he suggested that products under compassionate fascism be built to last, like old american cars. there is no conceivable reason why people need to buy the newest model of computer every year when the majority of the really important changes are software and operating system changes. so why not have a body that is so simple but so reliable that there's really nothing to update for? what if it was built to be used for an entire lifetime? so a kid is assigned a school computer when they're in kindergarten and they use the same one for their entire educational careers, until they graduate. any new changes to the model will be because of significant advances, not something dumb like changing the sharp edges into rounded ones, or changing the body from black plastic to titanium alloy.

i like this idea. i like the idea of america making cars that are built to be passed on to your kids and your grandkids with pride. and not as a cool, expensive luxury, like many classic cars are now, but as heirlooms, with standardized parts that make it fixable by a wide array of people, not just people with the expensive computers for diagnostics and crap. to balance the need for consumer spending to fuel the economy with our government's firm commitment to sustainability in all industries, at every level, we would allow auto upgrades for each driver every 5 years, let's say. no changing before that. you certainly don't have to upgrade every five years, and in fact you're encouraged not to, but as long as you wait five years, you are allowed to buy trade for a new model. that being said, i think the the auto industry, and all consumer industries, will be strictly controlled in the amount of new products or new models of old products that they're allowed to put out. if the main change is blue fog lights instead of yellow, wait until you have some other, seriously important changes and then release something new. say, every ten years, the auto industry gets to release a brand new model. however, all subsequent models need to be adaptable to the older models, and new advances in car components need to take into account that most people will just be getting upgrades to their old cars, because as a society we frown on conspicuous consumption.

some other odds and ends:

1) all professions are paid the same amount. you can be given bonuses for good performance, but there are no professions that are guaranteed money-makers. likewise, there are no specializations in medicine that pay more or less. being in public health will pay the same as holistic nutrition. also there will be no plastic surgery allowed unless the situation is related to a medical problem, like a burn or something. no gastric by-passes, no lipo, no vaginal rejuvenation. doctors of these things, you're wasting the world's time and money. please devote yourself to something that actually benefits mankind, not helps it become more lazy and image-obsessed.

2) doctors don't get paid by their patients until they've either cured the problem, passed the patient along to a different practitioner, or made a measurable contribution to the curing of the ailment. there will be no repeated visits for issues that aren't ever solved, for which you, the patient, are expected to pay. not that it matters because we'll OBVIOUSLY have universal health care and the insurance industry will seem as quaint and bizarre as the idea of barbers as surgeons.

3) there are way more doctors, and each doctor has fewer patients. this will give them more time to devote to solving individual problems, instead of making the patient clamor for help to no avail. doctors will be trained to understand that curing illness is their only job, and to the extent that illness is not being cured on their watch, they're failing. this won't put pressure on doctors to solve difficult cases, and there will be unlimited resources available for consultations with other doctors, and trying experimental treatments, or collaborating with practitioners of other healing styles (e.g. chinese herbs, ayurveda (sp?)) what it will do is force them to keep their attention focused on a case for as long as it takes to resolve the problem, or create a long-term treatment plan. for debilitating, long-term cases, one doctor will be in charge of all aspects of treatment, coordinating with the various others.

4) everyone automatically has a chiropractor, a therapist, a dentist, a doctor and a massage therapist.

i have more thoughts but it's late and i need to go to bed, so i'll leave you with this question to ponder for next time's discussion: while considering the case of the nutbar who gave birth to octuplets, is there such a thing as a country that's too free? (obviously that fertility doctor is also crazy and should be retired and sent to work in an apiary or something. no more medicine for you.)

the "theory" of evolution.

i am aware that there are people in the country, maybe even people that i know, who are on the fence about evolution. i am aware that that is a thing that some people think. but i still don't GET it. i can't help but mentally stutter over it.
"yeah, i know. but seriously, what? right. yeah. okay. i can understand that. but seriously, WHAT?!"
how should compassionate fascism address religious differences?
i say all religions are allowed, but the government is STRICTLY not involved in religious issues.
(accordingly, no religious governmental holidays. we'll come up with appropriate secular seasonal holidays, but none of this easter or christmas nonsense.)
so, our government's policies are informed by science, and things that are provable. if a test can be replicated, that's science.
miracles? not science.
perhaps miracles exist and happen.
but they aren't replicable, so they're not in.
stories out of a book that has a long history of being tinkered with by political leaders are not science.
they are stories.
they are fables, and absolutely appropriate to help one guide their behavior.
totally tip-top on that.
but they are not going to inform our governmental policies.
so, prop 8, no.
we just say across the board - it doesn't matter what your religion tells you, you don't get to LEGALLY disenfranchise any one group.
under compassionate fascism, we respect the role the religion plays in peoples lives and even celebrate it! yay, diversity of views and opinions!
but science isn't an opinion, it's fact.
like, concrete and provable.
so, darwin, not controversial.
yeah, he was a scientist, people.
evolution isn't a theory, and the fact that it contradicts your religion is not an issue for the government to deal with, it's something to be dealt with by each individual person.
i'm tempted to say there are no religious priivate schools allowed under compassionate fascism.
obvs we'll have public schools so awesome no one will need private schools. in fact, every school, of all different types (montessori, waldorf, french, performing arts, whatevs) will receive government funding, and what school you attend will be a matter of preference and not a matter of privilege. parents with no money deserve to have their kids learn fluent french if they want to, right?
no reasons for private schools.
um...we believe in school uniforms.
school doesn't need to be a fashion show, kids. that's what free time is for.
i haven't got a good solution to home schooling.
as a supporter of home schooling, i am reluctant to ban it, but the goal is to have public schools be so good that no one feels they need to home school.
i'll think more about that.
families for whom religion is really important are totally welcome to teach their kids whatever they want to about morality and such, but that's not what school time is for. school time is for preparing young people for healthy, successful adulthood. whether or not that adulthood is informed by religious belief is a matter for families to figure out.
i'm not sure about year-round school schedules, but i'm open to them.

watch your mouth, bitch. and lemurs.

john cleese, one of the people who live on my imaginary celebrity cul-de-sac (along with bill murray, steve martin, anthony hopkins, alec baldwin, and anyone else i add along the way) got totally burned by some lying tart. i'm gonna get her.

you should rent john cleese's nature movie about lemurs. it's wonderful, partly because it's a great nature movie and partly because it's john cleese.

animal welfare.

because i am not a total monster, i'm concerned about the welfare of animals.

i have some conflicts about what a privileged, affluent-nation concept that is, since you can only worry about animal welfare if you're not wondering where your next meal is coming from. i'm not saying that 3rd world countries don't care about animals, or that poor people can't be genuinely concerned about the health and happiness of their pets, because that's not entirely true, but it's not unfair to say that people in 3rd world countries aren't getting their dogs massages or acupuncture. i don't think it's necessarily bad that we coddle our animals so much or that we love them as much as we do, but i do think it obviously can get out of hand. the money we spend on pet psychics and getting our pets dyed to match our outfits could be spent on shit that actually matters, like food and medicine and stuff.

i think we can all agree that a certain level of respect is owed animal of all kinds. like, i respect your inherent right to exist and not be covered in lighter fluid and set on fire. for example. okay, your dog lives with you primarily to be scary and keep away intruders from your meth lab. fair enough. not how i keep my animals, but fine. so put a plastic dog house and a fucking bed out there for him when it's cold, jerk. kids, don't mess with any animals. they don't hold you down and pull your fingers off, though perhaps they out to.

under compassionate fascism, we have some much stiffer rules about animals and who gets to own them. first off, you need licenses for EVERYTHING. owning a dog, owning a cat, owning a lizard - every animals needs to be licensed. we'll have a subsidy program for paying the fees, because not everyone can afford them perhaps, and the fees will be negligible, but the importance is that, like driving, you need to take some classes to learn how to be responsible for your pet. under compassionate fascism, there will be ONE authorized breeder of purebred dogs per state. yeah, one. why? because the vast majority of people are too stupid to own dogs, much less breed them. owning purebred dogs will be an incredible luxury item. the only dogs available for smaller fees are shelter dogs. obviously all selling of puppies at stores is absolutely against the law. anyone found running a puppy mill or selling puppies illegally will be...um...punished. say, sentenced to living at an animal shelter and working there for one year. see? the punishment directly addresses the crime. shelters will be much larger and much better funded. every state will have a no-kill sanctuary, where unadoptable animals will be allowed to live forever. people caught being cruel to animals will be sentenced to long stretches cleaning up animal crap on those no-kill sanctuaries. they'll also have cuddle therapy sessions where they hopefully learn to be appropriate in their interactions with animals.

people who can't afford the high prices of buying a pure-bred dog might be eligible for a grant. in order to get a grant, though, you need to jump through some serious hoops to prove you are truly passionate about that breed. a year of intensive research on the breed and time spent working with the breeder in your state will make you eligible, as well as a lengthy screening process to make sure you're not a creep.

breeders will be held to incredibly high standards, and will have bi-yearly meetings where all the breeders of a single breed get together to discuss shared issues. obvs representatives from the Office of Animal Welfare will be there to facilitate and help out.

all animals will be fixed before being placed in a home. all animals will stay with their mothers until at least 8 weeks. AT LEAST.

all dogs must be have adequate exercise. if you can't afford to hire a dog walker or take your dog to a day care while you're working, you'll be paired up with a local teenager who is doing their mandatory volunteer hours by taking care of pets.

that's it for now.

any thoughts about this issue?

skanks.

In The Know: Are Reality Shows Setting Unrealistic Standards For Skanks?

bernard madoff, you're a pig.

is bernard madoff evil, or just the most cowardly, selfish, destructive trash monster to ever roam the earth?

here's a round up of bernard madoff stories.
* a basic summary of the story from reuters.

* this poor guy had been warning the SEC about madoff for years, to no avail. way to go, SEC! we can add it to the list of government agencies that obviously don't work for crap.

* just one of many, many people whose lives have been ruined by this asshole. it's so sad, i can barely read it. i know that life is full of tragedies, and bad things happen to good people all the time and some of them will make lemonade out of the ocean of lemons that are drowning them, but this is just so upsetting to me. many of the people affected are just normal people who thought they were being smart by investing in their futures, which is what we're all supposed to be doing. yeah, some were rich folks, but a lot were just normal people.

* interesting question: should investors who did make money have to give some of their money back, since it was not actually profits on their investments, but rather money bilked from new clients?

* nothing new, but i thought it was funny that there's a website called 'dickipedia,' which has an entry for madoff now, because obviously he's at least a little bit of a dick.

under compassionate fascism, i think someone like bernard madoff would be forced to live a life of service and poverty forever. basically he'd be like a permanent volunteer for the poor, paid in food and lodging. he would not ever be allowed to handle money of any kind. also he'd have to have a tattoo on his face that says 'i am not trust-worthy.' or something.

it is important, under compassionate fascism, that punishments be directly linked to the broken rule. also, the punishment needs to work towards in some way helping to ease the ills caused by the broken rule. so, his crime caused people to be poor while he stayed VERY wealthy, so he should be forced to be poor, too, and work full time, forever, towards making the lives of the poor better. oh, also, all of his family should have their money taken away, too, because it's all from unclean sources. so his kids and wife and whoever benefited from the scheme, knowingly or unknowingly, need to give the money back. they will be allowed to keep enough money to maintain and tolerable lifestyle, but the days of heirloom jewels and fantastic vacations are over, madoffs. ever been to walt disney world? i hear it's fun!

ooh! ooh! this just in! this is the best!

the lonely island has a new single!! (thanks, max silvestri, for alerting me to this breaking news in things that are the best.)

it's called 'i'm on a boat' and it's great, obvs.

(for those of you unfamiliar with the lonely island, i don't have time to get into it here, but suffice it to say: they're so funny you MIGHT DIE. so, you know. be cautious.)

welcome!

hello, friends!

this is for me to share more pop culture related things that i like.

the title is a reference to my political system of the same name. i'm working out the kinks, and i'll post additions to it here. i'll also post suggestions about products, movies, books, websites, and anything else i think is cool.

that way, people hoping to read something personal and meaningful can read my other blog, caring is cool, but people who want something a bit lighter can just come here. but please, friends, do both.

see you soon!